An announcement and a new diy dining room table

Hey y'all!

Since getting our household goods back in mid September, we've been unpacking and organizing, turning this house into a home. But as my fellow military friends know every house is different, so furniture you have had may not fit or closets you had in the previous house may not exist. The latter is very much the case for us. You see, it's not exactly common in Germany to have built in closets. A lot of homeowners are now adding them to their newly built houses but there are plenty of houses where you need to buy armoires, or what the Americans here now refer to as a "shrunk" (they actually mean the German word Schrank, which basically means armoire or wardrobe). Anywho. We got some basic wall lockers from the military for our master but after FMO came to pick up the loaning furniture we had to get some furniture for this place.

We went to one of my all time favorite stores - Ikea! Oh how I have missed you! The kids got some armoires and we bought some shoe storage to go underneath the stairs in the basement. On our next trip there we also got a entertainment center for the playroom but you'll get all the deets at an upcoming house tour ;)

The only thing we couldn't decide on was dining room set. See, I'm frugal and after seeing how some of our furniture was treated by the movers, there was no way I'd spend $600 or more on a table that might possibly get damaged during the next move. Especially since the one my heart was longing for sold out on www.home24.de (insert major sad face here). I wanted a farmhouse table, something bright but rustic. Then I remembered my good friend Pinterest and all the lovely plans I had pinned for redoing and building furniture. Joseph called me crazy, no really, those were his exact words!

He's the type that buys furniture new, hopefully having to assemble as little as possible. So I think part of him was nervous about the work I just volunteered him to and the other part questioned the sanity of his 4 months pregnant wife. And there you have our announcement! We're due towards the end of April and are just as surprised as you are because it certainly wasn't planned! See how I did that? Smooth, huh? No? However, he should have kind of expected this. I have a pattern. When I was pregnant with Nia I built a faux fireplace that now cozies up my friend Stephanie's home, when pregnant with Isaiah I refurbished a toddler bed for Nia, painted the nursery and sewed Nia's bedding set. So why break the tradition this time?

I took the plans from Jamielyn over at iheartnaptime, who got the original plans from Ana White, the queen of all things diy! You can find the post here. I changed things a bit though. I didn't drill pocket holes, instead I used l-shaped steel brackets. I got all my supplies from OBI, a German store like Home Depot. I ordered the curved legs and the table top, I went with a table top instead of single planks this time. Everything was bought in one trip, the stain in colonial brown, the paint in a greyish white, spax screws, the brackets, sandpaper, paint brushes, clear coat and of course masks! Gotta keep that baby safe. By the way, the stain and paint we used didn't have strong fumes anyway, since this isn't my first rodeo I knew which ones to get.

My dad came for the weekend and he was actualy pretty excited to help me with my project. Four hands are simply better than two. Together we assembled the base of the table with the nifty brackets, spax screws and my beloved DeWALT drill. SPAX screws make your life so much easier since there's no pre-drilling required with the pine wood I used. After we assembled the base, I sanded it with 180 grit sand paper and painted it with OBI 2in1 paint (primer and paint in one). It only took two coats to achieve the look I wanted. While the base dried I sanded the table top. The next day my dad left so the rest was all on me. I stained the bottom of the table top but only the parts you can see. It's a water based stain so it dries rather quickly. Once dry I attached the top to the base and stained the top. I used an old T-shirt to wipe off the extra stain in between, giving it a smoother and more even look. After 4 coats I was happy with the color. Once the stain was dry, I put on the clear coat.

It was an easy 2 day project. The cost of the table was about 160 Euro, half of what it would've cost at the store in this size. I still have enough stain and paint for the chairs and probably even other projects so I could've spent even less. The only thing that required Joseph's help was carrying it into the dining room from the garage. Here it is still without chairs:

As you can see the table top has a more rough and rustic look which is exactly what I wanted. The table at the store looked too polished for my liking. I think it gives it more character. For the chairs we went to, you guessed it, Ikea. We bought inexpensive wooden chairs for 19.99 Euro a piece, unfinished so I can stain and paint them to match the table. This will have to wait until the spring though, in the meantime we're using the chair covers we already had.

The centerpiece is the greenhouse from Ikea with some led candles and fall décor in it. I still need a few items for it. I'm also thinking about getting two wicker chairs for the short sides of the table and put the three covered chairs on each long side. My dream wicker chairs are $100/each though so I might need to settle for a cheaper version. I also haven't decided on a rug yet but I know I want one to go underneath the table. It was a fun project but I have to admit I missed my dear friend Ally from Home by Ally.  When we were stationed together in Minot, we'd go thrifting together, sew together and she was there for Isaiah's birth. You should go check out her page! She's super talented with both furniture and photography and if you're in Florida and are looking to buy a home, she's your gal as she's also a licensed real estate agent there. If you're lucky you can go snag one of her redone pieces at Vintage Living Marketplace. She would've been my perfect partner in crime for this, especially now that Joseph asked what I'm building next.

And just because the pregnancy announcement wouldn't be complete without a picture of baby, here you go:

Love y'all!

Mimi

Why I disappeared

Hey Y'all!

Except for my just now published post that I wrote back in February, I have been MIA since said month. There are a lot of reasons for that!

#1 I was stress paralyzed. No seriously. For several months. I mean I moved around, worked out (yes, I actually hired a personal trainer! What!) met with friends, etc. But I was still so swamped with therapies, between Nia and Isaiah we had 6 sessions a week! Add work, Dr. appointments and the household to the equation, the physical and emotional exhaustion of a 7 month deployment and wait for it, an international move by myself (apparently I did so well by myself during those 7 months, I needed another 2 months by myself!) and voila, I give you a mom having a 6 month moment!

#2 I was preparing for an overseas move that I was going to master by myself, yet again. In March we received our assignment, a special duty assignment in Ramstein, Germany! Something Joseph was selected for, something we've been waiting for ever since we hit the 2 year mark in Minot. But this assignment didn't turn into orders easily. We had to fight for it, appeal their denial for Isaiah's medical clearance. I could go into the details but that would another blog post. Let's just say the joys of military health care....

#3 With preparing for this move came more things than just the obvious selling stuff, canceling memberships, packing and cleaning. When you have a special needs child, you have to prepare for far more! Getting medical records from every specialist, like that 400+ page CD the hospital sent to Isaiah's PCM but then miraculously disappeared. Meetings for exiting out of Early Intervention, final meetings with therapists, the school district, IEP team....

#4 I honestly felt like I had nothing important to say! I've felt like that for a long time. I now think it had a lot to do with my emotional exhaustion. I felt like I had nothing important to say because I didn't feel important. Don't feel sorry for me though. I've snapped out of it. It was just part of that moment I had.

#5 I'm grieving. With a move come many goodbyes, some aren't a big deal at all, you actually may feel relief. Others are painful but after the first couple of months you're ok. Then there the few that tear at your very soul! I had only a select few of those. People, where the very thought of them still makes me break out in tears 4 months later.

It also didn't help that we didn't have Internet from July til October. We've had a crazy past 6 months! But that's part of the military life. Just like the TDY we were graced with a week after the kids and I joined Joseph here in Germany. Now many of my friends and family said it's not fair because we just got reunited as a family. Well, that too is part of the military. And of Joseph's job here. He's not working his regular job, he has what they like to call a "TDY job". His unit sends people to different locations for a short and sometimes not so short time in order to do different jobs. We just happened to get here right before one of those TDYs. It was supposed to be 3 weeks, it turned into 2 months. Right before his return, I received our household goods by myself. Seems fair, I mean I sent them off myself. And yes, we were told I could just stay behind because I'm just the spouse. I'll address this in another post ;)
Anyway, those TDYs are the price we're paying in order to be here. We knew this was part of the deal, do we love it? No. But it's a price worth paying to see our children be with family, mainly they're Opa, my dad. His world is not complete without them and neither is theirs. They have an incredibly special bond. Or to see Isaiah's health improve immensely! Seeing him getting treatments, medications and therapies he needs, without me having to fight with doctors! Priceless!!! I will go into the details another time. For now I'll leave you with this long post.

Love,
Mimi

Do you really understand how I feel?

Disclaimer: This post was originally written in February 2014 but was never published.


Remember I said I was going to address the last group of people mentioned in my last post? If not, read about it here. Well, I noticed I barely even covered the other 2 groups of people. I really just addressed the friends that want to help us cope but go about it in not exactly the best way.

So let me address the "I know how you feel" and "I get it" people. They more than likely don't know how you feel and don't get it. Unless, they've walked your and your child's walk, they will only be able to imagine how you feel. And even if their child has gone through something similar, our stories all differ in one way or another. So there are things I can relate to and some I can only imagine. And sometimes even that is hard. But that's OK! What we all need to remind ourselves of is, that those kind of friends really want to help but don't know the right words to say. At least the majority of them. So be patient with them, smile and say thank you for listening. You don't need to tell them that they really don't understand, they more than likely know it already but simply didn't know what else to say. It can be difficult to find the right words to say. Friends, let me tell you, sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all. A hug, holding our hand or just a comforting smile can go so much further. Being honest about the fact that you can't even imagine how to feel is ok too. You don't have to know the right words to say. All we want, is to know you're listening and that you'll be there if we need you. That's what means the most to us.

Now about that last category, I've had friends who told me "he doesn't look like he had a stroke" when they found out about Isaiah's diagnosis back when he was a baby. Back then I had mixed feelings about this statement, on the one hand I knew most of them meant well. But at the same time I couldn't help but think "what do you imagine a stroke survivor to look like?". At the time Isaiah was a baby, so he didn't do much just yet. He wasn't sitting up yet, crawling, walking, talking, so his disability was barely visible at all. He clenched his right hand in a fist and had a hard time pushing up on that hand but for the untrained eye he looked like every other baby. Pediatric stroke shows itself in many different ways, some kids had a stroke and there are no issues at all. Hence so many kids going undiagnosed til later in life. Others were so affected by it that their disability is more visible. Not every disability is visible, someone with a seizure disorder (many stroke survivors have seizures) for instance, does not look a specific way. Now that we've come a long way thanks to therapies and hard work, I'm reminded what an amazing fighter Isaiah is when people say it. Let me tell you just exactly how hard this boy fights. As you already know, Isaiah has right sided hemiplegia, weakness in the right side, because of his stroke. He uses the right hand really well but mainly as an assisting hand. Lately however, he's been trying more and more to use the right hand primarily and assists with his left! Especially at dinner time. He even gets upset when we offer him his fork or spoon and try to put it in his left hand!

Time changes things. 2 1/2 years ago I was more upset at people saying he didn't look like he had a stroke, today it makes me proud of how far he has come. I initially wrote this post because of an inspiring comment from a fellow stroke survivor parent. But also because I came across so many parents being mad at everyone who doesn't know the difference between a brace and a cast and instead of raising awareness and educating them, they unintentionally push them away. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of moments when I feel everything but kind enough to explain. When a bystander tries to tell me what to do about my son's meltdown for example, thinking he's just having a tantrum and not knowing the difference. Or a friend telling me he's going to grow out of it, whether they refer to the seizures, the sensory issues or the stroke altogether. Sometimes it is not easy to smile and explain but at the end of the day it makes more of a difference than pushing someone away because you felt their statement was ignorant or hurtful. By explaining in a kind way I may increase their knowledge and understanding and therefore change their view.

Love,
Mimi

Are we ever done?

This question was brought up by a fellow stroke survivor mom today. A friend of hers told her she had not dealt with the traumatic experience surrounding her child's birth and the diagnosis. She couldn't help but think 1) So what? 2) How exactly does one deal? 3)How do you know you've dealt with it? 3) Are we ever done?

I am sure her friend meant well, just like those friends who tell us "I know how you feel." or "I get it." Then there are the ones who think you're way too sensitive about everything because your child seems fine (to their eyes). I've met all of them. Most of them mean well in their own way. But for us as the parents going through it, we often wished they didn't say anything at all.

I understand why she thought "so what?". We all deal with things differently, and honestly, just because she may not deal with it on the outside doesn't mean she's not dealing with it internally. Each person is different. I remember when Isaiah stopped breathing in my arms and was taken to the NICU, I broke down crying. I cried several times that day and the days to follow. The doctors before knowing what was going on, mentioned different possibilities. Joseph wanted to know what each diagnosis entailed. I didn't want to know a single thing until they knew what it was. I didn't want to worry about things that weren't yet confirmed. I also cried when we received the diagnosis, not immediately, I had to be strong for my children. But once the doctors were gone, the tears starting streaming. Joseph on the other hand thought - A LOT. So much he constantly had a headache. I researched. I talked. Then cried some more. Sometimes I cried while I talked about my research. He was quiet. Had I not known my husband I could've thought he didn't deal with it. Truth was, he WAS dealing with it. Just differently than me. This is so crucial to understand, especially for couples! But also for all of us. We all are different, therefore we grieve differently, we solve problems differently, we tackle new situations differently. And that's ok. Here's what's not ok: Telling someone how they should deal with a traumatic life-changing diagnosis. Instead tell them you're here when they want to talk. Or when they need anything. And mean it.

Now to number 3, it'll get easier revisiting those moments. It will never be easy. But with time, thinking back won't give you that paralyzing feeling anymore, that feeling that you can't breathe. You'll still get choked up and you may cry but this moment will not just be a moment of sadness and pain. It will also be a moment of remembering what your child has overcome, how far your child has come since. You will be able to talk about it and actually finish a sentence without breaking down. That's how you know you're dealing with it. You will be aware of the diagnosis and accept it. You will love your child the way they are and not want to change them even if you could. Will you still wish things were easier for them? More than likely. But you will also admire your child's strength, their courage, their love for life, their ambition.

Notice I used "dealing" and not "dealt". Here's why: You're never done dealing with it. Sarah, another stroke survivor mom put it very beautifully:

                           "(...) the grief and emotions surrounding the diagnosis of lifelong medical, physical, emotional and developmental issues will take place in stages and will most likely last until you die. Grief does not equate depression. It does not equate self pity or wallowing in despair. It ebbs and flows as life takes place, as new challenges arise and old challenges are overcome. It changes as you and your child grow, mature and age. (...)"

Grief does not equate depression or wallowing in despair. However, you can experience them at the same time. But I can also grieve and still have peace. The difference lies in visiting that moment and living in it. I choose to live in the joyous moments, the fact that Isaiah survived, that he's walking, using his right hand so much better than anyone thought. That he's somewhat talking, that he's a happy, healthy child. I have to visit the dark moments here and there, but visiting them is not a bad thing. It makes me so grateful because I know it could've gone the other way. This was my response to the post:

                           "(...) I went through stages and still do. I still get emotional when I have to talk about Isaiah's birth, how he stopped breathing in my arms and his journey. Now, more because I am grateful that he survived and how far he's come but it's always accompanied by the pain and fear we experienced, otherwise I wouldn't feel grateful I think. There are times when we're ok, then we face a new hurdle and we can't help but grieve again. It's not that we don't accept it, not that we don't love our children the way they are, not even that we would change them if we could - after all it's what makes them who they are and who we love! But how can you not continue to 'deal' with it when it's YOUR child that has to overcome all these obstacles, work harder, etc. How can you be a loving parent and not hurt because of it? For me the hurt and the joy walk alongside each other. (...)"

I have to say I always had peace, even when we didn't know what was going on, when Isaiah was in the NICU, hooked up to all the monitors, paralyzed. My peace came shortly after I broke down after he was rushed to the NICU. My peace came in form of a whisper, a whisper that calmed the raging storm. You need to know that my first pregnancy was a miscarriage. Nia was delivered early because the doctors were afraid she'd die. So when Isaiah stopped breathing, the enemy tried to stir up fear in me. The fear that he now was really going to take my child. That's when God reminded me that he had promised me a healthy child. The fear subsided the moment I heard His voice. I didn't know what was going to happen but I knew that He was in control and that with His help we could tackle whatever was to come. 

So no, we're never done. I rejoice when Isaiah hits a milestone but I also hurt when he has a setback. I get excited when he has a breakthrough in therapy but can't help my heart aching when I see him struggling to walk because his leg keeps giving in. He's my child, he was given to me to raise him, nurture him, protect him and love him. I will address the last group of people in another post. It's been an emotional day, or rather week, as Isaiah had another absence seizure last week during speech therapy. Thankfully, this time it was just 10 seconds long. Still scary though. See, I'm still dealing....

Love,

Long time no see...

I've been MIA for a while again. I'm sorry. We've had lots of stuff going on! Joseph's back from deployment (pictures to follow), my dad was here and in the midst of it all we started speech therapy and now have appointments 4 times a week, soon 5 times a week. While Joseph was gone some things happened that kept me from getting on the computer to write posts. One of my biggest fears came true.

As you all know, Isaiah has always had issues sleeping, first it was falling asleep and staying asleep. Then falling asleep got easier but staying asleep remained a problem. We had about 5 nights since his birth that he slept through the night. Late November falling asleep had been a big problem again. It took him 45 minutes on a good night, two hours or more on a bad night. He was so tired, he wanted to sleep but his body wouldn't let him. I massaged him before bed time, brushed him, gave him bear hugs. We've used the weighted blanket but nothing seemed to work long term. When he finally closed his eyes, his body was still restless. So he tossed and turned until finally his body gave in. Not only was it hard to watch, it was also exhausting. Obviously if Isaiah doesn't sleep, I don't sleep.

My biggest concern was possible seizure activity. It always is. And even though so far nothing showed up on EEGs it never stops being a concern because you just never know when a seizure might sneak up on you. For the past half year I've been sure Isaiah's been having so called absence seizures. It wasn't until December 6th that I had someone else witness them and now I am certain. That day during Occupational Therapy Isaiah was in the middle of an activity when he suddenly stopped and almost froze. My first thought was he was doing a number 2 because for a toddler that requires all of their attention and focus, lol. When he didn't respond to his name, I checked his diaper which was clean. What was odd was that he didn't move an inch when I checked him. His therapist looked him in the face and called his name as did I, nothing. She touched his face, nothing. After what seemed forever but really was just a good 30 seconds, he snapped out of it and it was like nothing happened. It's scary and devastating because there's nothing you can do in that moment. We talked to his pediatrician about it but again the EEG results from last time were just too good to suggest medication and since he had a stare that I reported that was not an absence seizure, he just informed the neurologist but didn't suggest anything else. So now we'll be using a journal to write everything down with dates and times, etc. It's the only way we can determine what our next steps need to be. I am thankful we haven't dealt with any grand mal seizures since his birth but I'm afraid that this was the prelude to some in the future.

It wasn't the only thing that had me occupied, Isaiah was measured for his SMO and UCBL. For those of you who are not familiar with the different kinds of orthotics, this is an SMO and this is the UCBL. Isaiah's right foot has been pronating so badly there's no way around it anymore. Many of you will remember me mentioning him needing one a long time ago but what does a mom know! Hopefully, he'll get them soon. But that also means adding another appointment to my already full schedule. He will pick up PT again to make sure everything goes well with the orthotics. So if you see a scatterbrained mombie running around, that's probably me!

I still owe you guys Isaiah's birthday post, homecoming pictures and Nia's birthday post....I'll get to them soon. At least they will all be much happier posts!! Thanks for reading through all this and for following us on this journey!

Love,